just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
