I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
