Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
