I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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