the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
