AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
