I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
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I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
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It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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