Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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