When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
