the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
