So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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