On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
