I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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