Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
