Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
