we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
