bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just had sex on a roof
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
