I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
