i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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