At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
