a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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