plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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