I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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