Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
