You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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