Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
