I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
