I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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