we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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