You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
