i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just want to make out with him forever
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize