He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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