You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
