Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
