Your dad touched me again.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
