So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
