Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
