you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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