I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
