He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
