Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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