You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
