I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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