I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
