You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
