I wanna passion pit in your ass
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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