if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
