Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
