Porn is love you can see.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
In America we eat man semen.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
3pm strippers are depressing
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
