Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
