I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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