i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
