I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
