i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
