So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
