the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
