I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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