It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
