i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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