'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
