glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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