Ambien. No doubt about it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
