I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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