How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
