his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
