you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
