P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
