I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
