home. puking in laundry basket.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
