i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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