I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
