I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
