U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
