That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
