have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
